Little Fat Bee Blog

[Written on a day when I felt so in love with myself]

I am 26 years old, have never got into a real relationship and have never had an official boyfriend. So, I think I am quite qualified to answer this question.

I sometimes also ask myself: Why am I always single? Why?

Is this because I am too pretty that guys always think, like: “Oh, maybe she already had a boyfriend or a charming prince.”

Haha, I am sure that once in a million times, people would have that thinking to explain the question but definitely, the real answers must be something else.

Then, I review different stages of my life to seriously find an acceptable explanation.

Here are what I have found out after travelling back through my mind:

1.“I don’t want to get married and to be a wife”

I am from a small village in a small Southeast Asian country. When I was a little girl, I saw my mother was suffering all the time. She sacrificed everything for her children – me and two other siblings – and her husband – my father. But my father seemed to not respect her or her efforts at all.

I thought, “Why do I have to live like that? I made a decision that I would never get married, never have a husband and never have kids. And of course, no boyfriend, I would be single forever.

Things have changed now but that happened when I was a small child.

2. Students should not date

When I was at high school, I always felt like I was just a high – school student, having a boyfriend, oh no, it is not for a student. Students should only focus on studying – their first and foremost responsibility and dating would just lower their performance.

No, of course no, no boyfriend, no dating.

3. Boyfriend is troublesome

High school finished, I went to university and started a new life, living away from my dear parents in a dormitory with other girls.

Yeahh, “I’m finally free”, so “it is time to get a boyfriend”

I lived in a room with eight girls in total. I saw some of them dating: crying, arguing, heartbroken, betrayal, cheated…..

Nooo, I didn’t want to be like that. I already had so many cool friends and my life was perfectly well, why did I need a boyfriend to get into such troubles.

So, no, no boyfriend at all.

Graduated. It must be time to date someone. But then, there were so many problems.

4. “Daydream girl”

It may come from so many romance movies, novels that I have watched, all of them building perfect images of what is called “boyfriend” – handsome, 6 – pack, caring, charming, rich, ready to give up everything for his love,……. I could not find anyone who seemed okay to me.

I was dreaming every time I saw a guy, how my love started, going on and those romantic things my guy would do for me.

“What will be will be”, none could meet my requirements.

That was quite a time!

5. “Too childish”

Perhaps I was never into a relationship – not knowing “adult stuff” and bla…bla.. or because my life was so pink, easy, fun – having a happy family, okay – job and always thinking positive.

I was kind of “a child under an adult cover”, I was so innocent and careless about the surrounding world. I did not know how to behave properly or what I should do in an “adult world”. I sometimes acted like a child.

Just another chapter of my life

6. Lack of knowledge about relationships

There were times I wanted to have a boyfriend because I felt so lonely. I met a couple of guys and really liked some of them. Looking back, I must accept that the reason I could not stay long with any guy was lack of knowledge about relationships.

Until now, some of you may think: Love is from your heart, love is from your feelings, love is emotional not rational, people love each other because they just simply fall in love without knowing why. How come we need to know about relationships?

It is true that people fall in love emotionally, but to stay and to make the relationship last for a long time, we need knowledge – we need to know how to express our love for each other, we need to know how to deal with different situations, we need to know how to make the other happy,… Some learn by experience, some are naturally good at this. But a huge number of people, like me, with no experience, need time to be familiar with these things.

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So, what is now?

Going through ups and downs in dating and loving, I am still learning and growing up as time goes by, becoming less childish and more mature, still single but I am different.

7. Because it is my choice

Now, being single is my choice. I do not feel like I need a guy to feel complete and secure. I am alone but not lonely. I have so many dreams, plans, and things to do with my time. I love to make myself more beautiful, spend more time with my family, travel more and learn something new everyday. I would rather focus on my job, my study plan and my life goal to be a better version of myself everyday rather than try to find someone in a hurry and end up with nothing but misery.

Wow, and it feels so great.

Someone used to say – “Everyone has their own time”. Maybe someday the right guy will show up and who knows, what will happen next…

Me during my solo trip to Singapore